I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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