Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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