fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
