I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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