I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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