imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
