i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
are you so shy because you have an std?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
