just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
