all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
