Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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