i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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