I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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