Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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