sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Do vagina's smell?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
