We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
