Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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