Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
