She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
