I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
