i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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