I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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