you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
