I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
