I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
