we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
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that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino