I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I stole an accordion from the bar
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion