We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
that's an acceptable place to lick
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
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I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
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HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.