perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
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good thing vaginas are great cup holders
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
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I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.