the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor