just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
