oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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