Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I still have a little drunk in my system
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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