You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
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stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
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if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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