we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
