i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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