Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
