you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
