hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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