Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize