I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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