Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
