You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
