hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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