apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
