Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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