I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize