rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My cat gives me a boner
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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