i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
