Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
