I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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