she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
