there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
