i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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