WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
