life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
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All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
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