I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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