i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
