he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
