chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
