there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
