Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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