So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
