Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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