Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
