I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I am one with the molecules
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize