When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
