Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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