I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
