I'm going to jail i love you
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
