we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
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And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
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Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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