I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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