U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
